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Andy Rooney
“If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.”
― Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney
“Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”
― Frank Kaiser

Andy Rooney
“I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.”
― Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney
“I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.”
― Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney
“Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.”
― Andy Rooney

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