JAPartridge

“Mister Rob Anybody and sundry others?" said one of the figures in a dreadful voice.

"There's naebody here o' that name!" shouted Rob Anybody. "We dinna know anythin'!"

"We have here a list of criminal and civil charges totaling nineteen thousand, seven hundred and sixty-three separate offenses-"

"We wasna there!" yelled Rob Anybody desperately. "Isn't that right, lads?"

"-including more than two thousand cases of Making an Affray, Causing a Public Nuisance, Being Found Drunk, Being Found Very Drunk, Using Offensive Language (taking into account ninety-seven cases of Using Language That Was Probably Offensive If Anyone Else Could Understand It), Committing a Breach of the Peace, Malicious Lingering-"

"It's mistaken identity!" shouted Rob Anybody. "It's no' oour fault! We wuz only standing there an' someone else did it and ran awa'!"

"-Grand Theft, Petty Theft, Burglary, Housebreaking, Loitering with Intent to Commit a Felony-"

"We wuz misunderstood when we was wee bairns!" yelled Rob Anybody. "Ye're only picking on us 'cause we're blue! We always get blamed for everythin'! The polis hate us! We wasna even in the country!”
― Terry Pratchett