Morgan

“Jeff: You know, you don't have to do this.
Walter: Yeah, I could get a real job.
Jeff: What would you do?
Walter: I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Walter: What the hell's so funny?
Jeff: At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?
Walter: Oh.
Walter: Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get out!
Walter: Have a nice day!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday”
― Don Marquis

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
― George Carlin

“Jeff: Are you married?
Bubba J.: Yep.
Jeff: Your wife pretty?
Bubba J.: Ye... no!
Jeff: What's the difference?
Bubba J.: The light.”
― Jeff Dunham