Paddy

“Do you understand what I'm saying?"
shouted Moist. "You can't just go around killing people!"
"Why Not? You Do." The golem lowered his arm.
"What?" snapped Moist. "I do not! Who told you that?"
"I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People," said the golem calmly.
"I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!"
"No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“What about the Vimes manual, then?" snapped Vimes. "I notice you've never bothered to learn how to use me!" The demon hesitated.

"Humans come with a manual?" it said.

"It'd be a damn good idea!" said Vimes.

"True," murmured Angua.

"It could say things like 'Chapter One: Bingeley bingeley beep and other damn fool things to spring on people at six in the morning," said Vimes, his eyes wild. "And 'Troubleshooting: my owner keeps trying to drop me in the privy, what am I doing wrong?”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo