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“There is a great difference between one idler and another idler. There is someone who is an idler out of laziness and lack of character, owing to the baseness of his nature. If you like, you may take me for one of those. Then there is the other kind of idler, the idler despite himself, who is inwardly consumed by a great longing for action who does nothing because his hands are tied, because he is, so to speak, imprisoned somewhere, because he lacks what he needs to be productive, because disastrous circumstances have brought him forcibly to this end. Such a one does not always know what he can do, but he nevertheless instinctively feels, I am good for something! My existence is not without reason! I know that I could be a quite a different person! How can I be of use, how can I be of service? There is something inside me, but what can it be? He is quite another idler. If you like you may take me for one of those.”
― The Letters of Vincent van Gogh
― The Letters of Vincent van Gogh
“To my lady Catherine,
I give you gold with a diamond you can barely see,
But the gem would be castle-sized if it expressed all I feel for thee.
I give you gold because it endures, and love like the eternal sea.
Only your brother, Christopher.”
― Petals on the Wind
I give you gold with a diamond you can barely see,
But the gem would be castle-sized if it expressed all I feel for thee.
I give you gold because it endures, and love like the eternal sea.
Only your brother, Christopher.”
― Petals on the Wind
“I want to touch people with my art. I want them to say 'he feels deeply, he feels tenderly'.”
―
―
“There was a sentence in your letter that struck me, “I wish I were far away from everything, I am the cause of all, and bring only sorrow to everybody, I alone have brought all this misery on myself and others.” These words struck me because that same feeling, just the same, not more nor less, is also on my conscience.”
― Dear Theo
― Dear Theo
“He caught my hand and drew me closer to his side.
“Well, should I begin to list them one by one, and by name? If I did it would take several hours. If there had been someone special, all I would do is name one—and I can’t do that. I liked them all . . . but I didn’t like any well enough to love, if that’s what you want to know.”
Yes, that was exactly what I wanted to know.
“I’m sure you didn’t live a celibate life, even though you didn’t fall in love . . . ?”
“That’s none of your business,” he said lightly.
“I think it is. It would give me peace to know you had a girl you loved.”
“I do have a girl I love,” he answered. “I’ve known her all my life. When I go to sleep at night, I dream of her, dancing overhead, calling my name, kissing my cheek, screaming when she has nightmares, and I wake up to take the tar from her hair. There are times when I wake up to ache all over, as she aches all over, and I dream I kiss the marks the whip made . . . and I dream of a certain night when she and I went out on the cold slate roof and stared up at the sky, and she said the moon was the eye of God looking down and condemning us for what we were. So there, Cathy, is the girl who haunts me and rules me, and fills me with frustrations, and darkens all the hours I spend with other girls who just can’t live up to the standards she set. And I hope to God you’re satisfied.”
I turned to move as in a dream, and in that dream I put my arms about him and stared up into his face, his beautiful face that haunted me too.
“Don’t love me, Chris. Forget about me. Do as I do, take whomever knocks first on your door, and let her in.”
He smiled ironically and put me quickly from him.
“I did exactly what you did, Catherine Doll, the first who knocked on my door was let in—and now I can’t drive her out. But that’s my problem—not yours.”
“I don’t deserve to be there. I’m not an angel, not a saint . . . you should know that.”
“Angel, saint, Devil’s spawn, good or evil, you’ve got me pinned to the wall and labeled as yours until the day I die. And if you die first, then it won’t be long before I follow.”
― Petals on the Wind
“Well, should I begin to list them one by one, and by name? If I did it would take several hours. If there had been someone special, all I would do is name one—and I can’t do that. I liked them all . . . but I didn’t like any well enough to love, if that’s what you want to know.”
Yes, that was exactly what I wanted to know.
“I’m sure you didn’t live a celibate life, even though you didn’t fall in love . . . ?”
“That’s none of your business,” he said lightly.
“I think it is. It would give me peace to know you had a girl you loved.”
“I do have a girl I love,” he answered. “I’ve known her all my life. When I go to sleep at night, I dream of her, dancing overhead, calling my name, kissing my cheek, screaming when she has nightmares, and I wake up to take the tar from her hair. There are times when I wake up to ache all over, as she aches all over, and I dream I kiss the marks the whip made . . . and I dream of a certain night when she and I went out on the cold slate roof and stared up at the sky, and she said the moon was the eye of God looking down and condemning us for what we were. So there, Cathy, is the girl who haunts me and rules me, and fills me with frustrations, and darkens all the hours I spend with other girls who just can’t live up to the standards she set. And I hope to God you’re satisfied.”
I turned to move as in a dream, and in that dream I put my arms about him and stared up into his face, his beautiful face that haunted me too.
“Don’t love me, Chris. Forget about me. Do as I do, take whomever knocks first on your door, and let her in.”
He smiled ironically and put me quickly from him.
“I did exactly what you did, Catherine Doll, the first who knocked on my door was let in—and now I can’t drive her out. But that’s my problem—not yours.”
“I don’t deserve to be there. I’m not an angel, not a saint . . . you should know that.”
“Angel, saint, Devil’s spawn, good or evil, you’ve got me pinned to the wall and labeled as yours until the day I die. And if you die first, then it won’t be long before I follow.”
― Petals on the Wind
Cyber’s 2025 Year in Books
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