Clair Jarrard

“Relax, Mr. Diggums. Have another nettle beer, or some spring water." The commander took two bottles from the cooler and offered one to Mulch.
Mulch studied the label. "Derrier? No thanks. You know how they put the bubbles in this stuff?"
Vinyaya's mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile. "I thought it was naturally carbonated."
"Yeah, that's what I thought until I got a prison job at the Derrier plant. They employ every dwarf in the Deeps. They made us sign confidentiality contracts."
Vinyaya was hooked. "So go on, tell me. How do they get the bubbles in?"
Mulch tapped his nose. "Can't say. Breach of contract. All I can say is it involves a huge vat of water and several dwarfs using our ...eh" Mulch pointed to his rear end-"... natural talents."
Vinyaya gingerly replaced her bottle.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“...in divinity opposites are always reconciled.”
― Walter M. Miller Jr., Saint Leibowitz and the Wild Horse Woman

“If life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.”
― Douglas Adams

“after he found out that they were going to vote for Ronald Reagan, he took his newspaper to Dunkin’ Donuts and never talked to them again. He hated Reagan. I always thought that election had something to do with his getting sick. —”
― Anita Diamant, The Boston Girl