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George Carlin
“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”
George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

George Carlin
“I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“Everyone smiles in the same language.”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George Carlin

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