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“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

“Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

“You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.