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“3. Blame. Whenever things don’t turn out as planned, blame yourself or others. Blame is another defensive cover-up for shame. Blame maintains the balance in a dysfunctional system when control has broken down. 4. Denial of the Five Freedoms. The five freedoms, first enunciated by Virginia Satir, describe full personal functionality. Each freedom has to do with a basic human power: the power to perceive, to think and interpret, to feel, to want and choose, and the power to imagine. In shame-based families, the perfectionist rule prohibits the full expression of these powers. It says you shouldn’t perceive, think, feel, desire or imagine the way you do. You should do these the way the perfec-tionistic ideal demands.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“People love to say, “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat for a lifetime.” What they don’t say is, “And it would be nice if you gave him a fishing rod.” That’s the part of the analogy that’s missing.”
― Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood
― Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood
“Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“The job of parents is to model. Modeling includes how to be a man or woman; how to relate intimately to another person; how to acknowledge and express emotions; how to fight fairly; how to have physical, emotional and intellectual boundaries; how to communicate; how to cope and survive life’s unending problems; how to be self-disciplined; and how to love oneself and another. Shame-based parents cannot do any of these. They simply don’t know how.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY RULES 1. Control or Chaos. One must be in control of all interactions, feelings and personal behavior at all times—control is the major defense strategy for shame. In the less-than-human shameless marriage, both parents may be cocaine addicts or addicted in other ways. They may be dishonest criminals. The children experience chaos, as well as secrecy rules that guard their family’s behavior. 2. Perfectionism or Anomie. Always be right in everything you do. The perfectionist rule always involves an imposed measurement. The fear and avoidance of the negative is the organizing principle of life. The members live according to an externalized image. No one ever measures up. In the less-than-human family, there are no rules—the children have no structure to guide them.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
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Cathrine’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Cathrine’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
59 books
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24 friends
0 books
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60 friends
1 book
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1 friend
692 books
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118 friends
5,032 books
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149 friends
2,221 books
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154 friends
811 books
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138 friends
212 books
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530 friends
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