Michael

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Garrison Keillor
“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
Garrison Keillor

George Carlin
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
George Carlin

Phyllis Diller
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
Phyllis Diller

George Carlin
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?”
George Carlin

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