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“There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no longer in you. To feel shame is to feel exposed in a diminished way. When you’re an object to yourself, you turn your eyes inward, watching and scrutinizing every minute detail of behavior. This internal critical observation is excruciating. It generates a tormenting self-consciousness that Kaufman describes as “creating a binding and paralyzing effect upon the self.” This paralyzing internal monitoring causes withdrawal, passivity and inaction. The severed parts of the self are projected in relationships.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories without any sympathy for the child they once were. Very often they show disdain and irony, even derision and cynicism. In general, there is a complete absence of real emotional understanding or serious appreciation of their own childhood vicissitudes and no conception of their true need—beyond the need for achievement. The internalization of the original drama has been so complete that the illusion of a good childhood can be maintained.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“To truly be committed to a life of honesty, love and discipline, we must be willing to commit ourselves to reality.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“Shame is internalized when one is abandoned. Abandonment is the precise term to describe how one loses one’s authentic self and ceases to exist psychologically.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
“Family secrets can go back for generations. They can be about suicides, homicides, incest, abortions, addictions, public loss of face, financial disaster, etc. All the secrets get acted out. This is the power of toxic shame. The pain and suffering of shame generate automatic and unconscious defenses. Freud called these defenses by various names: denial, idealization of parents, repression of emotions and dissociation from emotions. What is important to note is that we can’t know what we don’t know. Denial, idealization, repression and dissociation are unconscious survival mechanisms. Because they are unconscious, we lose touch with the shame, hurt and pain they cover up. We cannot heal what we cannot feel. So without recovery, our toxic shame gets carried for generations.”
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
― Healing the Shame that Binds You
Frances’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Frances’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
316 books
|
41 friends
5 books
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7 friends
366 books
|
16 friends
7 books
|
43 friends
164 books
|
72 friends
53 books
|
15 friends
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