Jaime Ortiz

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?”
― Bill Maher

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn't.”
― Nick Hornby

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”
― Kahlil Gibran

“Just relax and breathe through your ass.”
― Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith