Brian Western

“Years ago, when still a substitute carrier, I noticed a warning sign on an open porch: Beware of Cat! I grinned at the snarling animal etched on the sign as I put mail in the box. Not until I turned to leave did I notice the huge feline watching me from a shadowed corner of the porch. With its back arched, the cat spat at me, showing off gleaming canines. I lunged for the steps, but he caught me halfway down. He clawed his way up my legs and latched onto my mail satchel as I ran for the next house. He finally let go, but then strutted along the perimeter of the yard to ensure I had no plans to return.”
― Vincent Wyckoff, Beware Of Cat: And Other Encounters of a Letter Carrier

“Well professor...can you tell us the difference between kicking the bum, and bumming the kick?”
― William Alexander Western