Beth Ward

“I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.”
― David Sedaris

“It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

“The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“It's a common mistake for vacationing Americans to assume that everyone around them is French and therefore speaks no English whatsoever. [...] An experienced traveler could have told by looking at my shoes that I wasn't French. And even if I were French, it's not as if English is some mysterious tribal dialect spoken only by anthropologists and a small population of cannibals.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day