Christopher Crockett

“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
― Mark Twain

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
― Jon Stewart

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”
― Steven Wright

“Stick Boy liked Match Girl,
He liked her a lot.
He liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.

But could a flame ever burn
for a match and a stick?
It did quite literally;
he burned up quick.”
― Tim Burton, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories