Ethel Grimes

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”
― Steven Wright

“To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.”
― G.K. Chesterton

“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
― Steven Wright

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin