Paige

“And here, I believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in desiring another to kiss your a-- for having just before threatened to kick his; for I have observed very accurately, that no one ever desires you to kick that which belongs to himself, nor offers to kiss this part in another.”
― Henry Fielding, The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

“I found that the writer who says SUBLATA LUCERNA NULLUM DISCRIMEN INTER MULIERES ('when the lamp is taken away, all women are alike') says true; but without love, this great business is a vile thing.”
― Giacomo Casanova, History of My Life, Vols. I & II

“Fart for freedom, fart for liberty—and fart proudly.”
― Benjamin Franklin, Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School

“You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita