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“I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.”
Dave Matthes, Sleepeth Not, the Bastard

Jarod Kintz
“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman.
”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Jonathan Anthony Burkett
“Instead of treating your child like how you were treated. Treat them with the same love and attention you wanted from your parents while growing up.”
Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated: The Life Of A Boy Who Never Knew A Mother's Love

Jarod Kintz
“Love says hello, and hate says goodbye. Your mom also says hello.”
Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

Jarod Kintz
“I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.”
Jarod Kintz, So many chairs, and no time to sit

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