Neels De coning

“(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".”
― Spike Milligan

“Waiting for the operation, there was a gentle tap on the door. In came a strapping nurse. 'Good morning', she shrilled, whipped back the bedclothes, upped with his nightshirt, grabbed his willy, lathered furiously around it till it looked like the Eddystone Lighthouse in a storm, then shaved the whole area till it looked like an oven-ready chicken.
'Excuse me, nurse', said Looney, 'why did you knock?”
― Spike Milligan

“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”
― Spike Milligan