Lisa

“My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?"

"That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "Isn't it a pip?"

One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?"

"Company cars," I said.

"Oh?"

"Anal sex is not involved," I told her.

My mother and grandmother both gasped.

"Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out."

"I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandma said.

"Anybody with an anus can do it," I told her.

"Hmm," she said. "I got one of them.”
― janet evanovich, High Five

“It's not a good idea to mess with a woman who has a pimple”
― Janet Evanovich

“If Mickey Mouse could fly, he'd be Donald Duck.”
― Janet Evanovich, Four to Score

“It was mesmerizing,” Grandma said. “It was like staring into the eye of a cobra. I don’t care if I do anything else on the bucket list. This was awesome. It was like a biblical experience.”
― Janet Evanovich, Top Secret Twenty-one