Eileen

“It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

“I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.”
― David Sedaris

“The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge.”
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

“but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day