Amber

“You take a step toward this Sorrengail and you'll be dead before you can even shift your weight,' Xaden says, his voice dropping lethally. 'She's not up for discussion.”
― Rebecca Yarros, Fourth Wing

“I reach for her. 'I'm so sorry I had to keep...' My words die on my tongue as she steps back, avoiding me.

'Not happening.' A world of hurt flashes in those hazel eyes, and I fucking wither. 'Just because I believe you and am willing to fight with you doesn't mean I'll trust you with my heart again. and I can't be with someone I don't trust.'

Something in my chest crumples. 'I've never lied to you, Violet. Not once. I never will.'

She walks over to the window and looks down, then slowly turns back to me. 'It's not even that you kept this from me. I get it. It's the ease with which you did it. The ease with which I let you into my hear and didn't get the same in return.' She shakes her head, and I see it there, the love, but it's masked behind defences I foolishly forced her to build.

I love her. Of course I love her. But if I tell her now, she'll think I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons, and honestly, she'd be right.

I'm not going to lose the only woman I've ever fallen for without a fight. 'You're right. I kept secrets,' I admit, pressing forward again, taking step after step until I'm less than a foot from her. I palm the glass on both sides of her head, loosely caging her in, but we both know she could walk away if she wanted. But she doesn't move. 'It took me a long time to trust you, a long time to realise I fell for you.'

Someone knocks, I ignore it.

'Don't say that.' She lifts her chin, but I don't miss the way she glances at my mouth.

'I fell for you.' I lower my head and look straight into her gorgeous eyes. She might be rightfully pissed, but she sure as Malek isn't fickle. 'And you know what? You might not trust me anymore, but you still love me.'

Her lips part, but she doesn't deny it. 'I gave you my trust for free once, and once is all you get.' She masks the hurt with a quick blink.

Never again. Those eyes will never reflect hurt I've inflicted ever again.

'I fucked up by not telling you sooner, and I won't even try to justify my reasons. But now I'm trusting you with my life- with everyone's lives.' I've risked it all by just bringing her here instead of taking her body back to Basgiath. 'I'll tell you anything you want to know and everything you don't. I'll spend every single day of my life earning back your trust.'

I'd forgotten what it felt like to be loved, really, truly, loved- it'd been so many years since Dad died. And mom... Not going there. But then Violet gave me those words, gave me her trust, her heart, and I remembered. I'll be damned if I don't fight to keep them.

'And if it's not possible?'

'You still love me. It's possible.' Gods, do I ache to kiss her, to remind her exactly what we are together, but I won't, not until she asks. 'I'm not afraid of hard work, especially not when I know just how sweet the rewards are.. I would rather lose this entire war than live without you, and if that means I have to prove myself, over and over, then I'll do it. You gave me your heart, and I'm keeping it.' She already owns mine, even if she doesn't realise it.”
― Rebecca Yarros, Fourth Wing

“If I asked you to stay behind, would you?' His eyes bore into mine.

'No.'

'Exactly. I try not to pick fights I know I can't win.”
― Rebecca Yarros, Fourth Wing

“Xaden's head snaps in my direction. 'Violence?'

I take a step and then another, holding my frame upright with muscle memory I didn't have last year, and begin to cross.

Xaden swings his legs up and then fucking jumps to his feet. 'Turn around right now!' he shouts.

'Come with me,' I call over the wind, bracing myself as gust whips my skirt against my legs. 'Should have gone with the pants,' I mutter and keep walking.

He's already coming my way, his strides just as long and confident as if he was on solid ground, eating up the distance between us as I move forward slowly until we meet.

'What the fuck are you doing out here?' he asks, locking his hands on my waist. He's in riding leathers, not a dress uniform, and he's never looked better.

What am I doing out here? I'm risking everything to reach him. And if he rejects me... No. There's no room for fear on the parapet.

'I could ask you the same thing.'

His eyes widen. 'You could have fallen and died!'

'I could say the same thing.' I smile, but it's shaky. The look in his eyes is wild, like he's been driven past the point where he can contain himself in the neat, apathetic façade he usually wears in public.

It doesn't scare me. I like him better when he's real with me, anyway.

'And did you stop to think that if you fall and die, then I can die?' He leans in and my pulse jumps.

'Again,' I say softly, resting my hands on his firm chest, right above his heartbeat, 'I could say the same thing.' Even if Xaden's death wouldn't kill Sgaeyl, I'm not sure I could survive it.'

Shadows rise, darker than the night that surrounds us. 'You're forgetting that I wield shadows, Violence. I'm just as safe out here as I am in the courtyard. Are you going to wield lightning to break your fall?'

Fine. That's a good point.

'I... perhaps did not think that part through as thoroughly as you,' I admit. I wanted to be close to him, so I got close, parapet be damned.'

'You're seriously going to be the death of me.' His fingers flex at my waist. 'Go back.'

It's not a rejection, not with the way he's looking at me. We've been sparring emotionally for the past month, hell, even longer than that, and one of us has to expose our jugular. I finally trust him enough to know he won't go for the kill.

'Only if you do. I want to be whereever you are.' And I mean it. Everyone else- everything else in the world can fall away and I won't care as long as I'm with him.”
― Rebecca Yarros, Fourth Wing