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Mark Twain
“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

Marilyn Monroe
“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
― Marilyn Monroe

John  Green
“What the hell is that?" I laughed.
"It's my fox hat."
"Your fox hat?"
"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

George Carlin
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin

Lemony Snicket
“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

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