Payton Smith

“I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave. See, when I’m up I don’t kill myself because, holy shit, there’s so much left to do. When I’m down I don’t kill myself because then the sadness would be over, and the sadness is my old paint under the new. The sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder: I’d still be me without it but I’d be so boring.”
― Neil Hilborn, The Future

“I can pinpoint the session that brought me back to the world. That session cost $75. $75 is two weeks of groceries. It's a month of bus fare. It's not even a school years worth of new shoes. It took weeks of $75 to get to the one saved my life. We both had parents that believed us when we said we weren't OK, but mine could afford to do something about it. I wonder how many kids like Joey wanted to die and were unlucky enough to actually pull it off. How many of those kids have someone who cared about them but also had to pay rent? I'm so lucky that right now i'm not describing Joey's funeral.”
― Neil Hilborn, Our Numbered Days

“Things that I Hope Are True about Heaven

That the radio always plays what would have been your favourite songs. That there's always coffee if you want it. That you're there. That it's real.”
― Neil Hilborn, Our Numbered Days

“I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but maybe you should listen to your feet when they tell you to run the fuck away. Maybe you should get out of here, then get out some more.”
― Neil Hilborn, Our Numbered Days