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Zikora
by
I had prepared for pain but this was not mere pain. It was something like pain and different from pain. It sat like fire in my back, spreading to my thighs, squeezing and crushing my insides, pulling downward, spiraling.
“I'm American, but that only explains my passport. It doesn't explain all the other pieces of me that aren't easily labeled.
Sometimes it feels like if I call myself American, people will only ever follow up with, "But what are you really?"
But if I lead the conversation? If I tell them everything I am? If I point out all the pieces of my heritage to explain why I have my name, and my face, and my culture? Then people tell me I don't get to be all these other things--I only get to be American. Like the rest of me is suddenly erased. Like my heritage isn't important. Like all the pieces that should mean something don't mean anything at all.
And in all honesty, I'm really tired of people thinking they have any authority whatsoever on what I'm allowed to call myself.”
― Harley in the Sky
Sometimes it feels like if I call myself American, people will only ever follow up with, "But what are you really?"
But if I lead the conversation? If I tell them everything I am? If I point out all the pieces of my heritage to explain why I have my name, and my face, and my culture? Then people tell me I don't get to be all these other things--I only get to be American. Like the rest of me is suddenly erased. Like my heritage isn't important. Like all the pieces that should mean something don't mean anything at all.
And in all honesty, I'm really tired of people thinking they have any authority whatsoever on what I'm allowed to call myself.”
― Harley in the Sky
“It’s one thing to be looked at, and another to be seen.”
― Open Water
― Open Water
“Sometimes I feel like that too--like a balloon with too much air, or a spring with too much tension. I need to pop--to release everything I'm feeling--which usually just sends me in the opposite direction until the same thing happens again.”
― Harley in the Sky
― Harley in the Sky
“I don't know. It kind of sucks not knowing for sure, because when I explain it to people, they just look at me like I'm making it up. But if someone has a diagnosis and medication? Then it's 'legitimate'. And don't get me wrong, those things are super important for a lot of people. But I feel like associating legitimacy with a formal diagnosis sometimes leaves people behind--people like me, whose families really frown on anything to do with therapy and meds, or people who have found their own ways of coping with it, or people who can't afford it. It doesn't mean they don't still feel what they feel--they just don't have the privilege of being told by someone with a degree what they're allowed to call it. Shouldn't the focus be on what we're feeling rather than what box we can neatly fit ourselves into?”
― Harley in the Sky
― Harley in the Sky
“I fall asleep dreaming of me in the big top, balancing on the static trapeze to the sound of Vas's violin.”
― Harley in the Sky
― Harley in the Sky
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