“Paul. Look at me. You need to understand this. The worst thing that could have happened to me already happened."
He looks up.
She swallows, knowing that these are the words that stall; that may simply refuse to emerge.
"Four years ago David and I went to bed like it was any other night, brushing our teeth reading our books, chatting about a restaurant we were going to the next day...and when I woke up the next morning he was there beside me, cold. Blue. I didn't...I didn't feel him go. I didn't even get to say..."
There is a short silence.
"Can you imagine knowing you slept through the person you love most dying next to you ? Knowing that there might have been something you could have done to help him ? To save him ? Not knowing if he was looking at you, silently begging you to..."
The words fail, her breath catches, a familiar tide threatens to wash over her He reaches out his hands slowly, enfolds hers within them until she can speak again.
"I thought the world had actually ended. I thought nothing good could ever happen again. I thought any thing might happen if I wasn't vigilant. I didn't eat. I didn't go out. I didn't want to see anyone. But I survived, Paul. Much to my own surprise, I got through it. And life...well, life gradually became liveable again."
She leans closer to him.
"So this...the painting, the house...It hit me when I heard what happened to Sophie. It's just stuff. They could take all of it, frankly. the only thing that matters is people."
She looks down at his hands, and her voice cracks.
"All that really matters is who you love.”
― The Girl You Left Behind
He looks up.
She swallows, knowing that these are the words that stall; that may simply refuse to emerge.
"Four years ago David and I went to bed like it was any other night, brushing our teeth reading our books, chatting about a restaurant we were going to the next day...and when I woke up the next morning he was there beside me, cold. Blue. I didn't...I didn't feel him go. I didn't even get to say..."
There is a short silence.
"Can you imagine knowing you slept through the person you love most dying next to you ? Knowing that there might have been something you could have done to help him ? To save him ? Not knowing if he was looking at you, silently begging you to..."
The words fail, her breath catches, a familiar tide threatens to wash over her He reaches out his hands slowly, enfolds hers within them until she can speak again.
"I thought the world had actually ended. I thought nothing good could ever happen again. I thought any thing might happen if I wasn't vigilant. I didn't eat. I didn't go out. I didn't want to see anyone. But I survived, Paul. Much to my own surprise, I got through it. And life...well, life gradually became liveable again."
She leans closer to him.
"So this...the painting, the house...It hit me when I heard what happened to Sophie. It's just stuff. They could take all of it, frankly. the only thing that matters is people."
She looks down at his hands, and her voice cracks.
"All that really matters is who you love.”
― The Girl You Left Behind
“جمر الدقائق صبرت عليك و أدري..
كان رهانك كسري من قهري..
قاطعت حنين الوقت إليك ..
ارتشافي صباحاً لصوتك ..
ارتطام أشواقي بموجك ..
من فرط سهادي بك ..
* * *
ما خنتك ..
لكنّي رحت أخون الزمان بعدك ..
أعصى عادة العيش بإذنك ..
أنسى انتظاري لك ..
فرحتي حين يحلّ رقمك ..
ازدحام هاتفي بك ..
* * *
كم أخلصت لغيابك ..
لكنّها ذاكرتي خانتني ..
تصوّر ..
ما عدت أذكر عمر صمتك ..
و لا متى لآخر مرّة قابلتك..
و كم من الوقت مرّ من دونك ..
فكيف قل لي أنتظرك ..
و أنا ما عدت أعرف وقع خطوك ..
* * *
مذ افترقنا ..
ما عاد الأمر يعنيني ..
سيّان عندي إن غدرت أو وفيت ..
يكفيني يا سيّد الحرائق ..
أنّك خنت اللهفة ..
و أطفأت جمر الحرائق..
ما خنتك.. لكن خانك حبري ..
مذ قرّرت ألا أكتبك ..
لن تدري ..
كم اغتلت قصائد في غيبتك ..
حتى لا تزهو بحزني ..
حين تشي بي الكلمات ..
ما ختنك..
فقط نسيت أن أعيش بتوقيتك
ما عدت أذكر ..
كم من المطارات حطّ قلبي بها ..
دون علمك ..
* * *
و الله ما خنتك ..
و لا ظننت قلبي ..
سيقوى على الحياة بعدك ..
لكنّه الخذلان ..
علّمني أن أستغني عنك ..
أصبحت فقط ..
أنسى أن أسهرك ..
أأبى أن أذرفك ..
أكثر إنشغالاً من أن أذكرك ..
و أكبر الخيانات.. النسيان..”
―
كان رهانك كسري من قهري..
قاطعت حنين الوقت إليك ..
ارتشافي صباحاً لصوتك ..
ارتطام أشواقي بموجك ..
من فرط سهادي بك ..
* * *
ما خنتك ..
لكنّي رحت أخون الزمان بعدك ..
أعصى عادة العيش بإذنك ..
أنسى انتظاري لك ..
فرحتي حين يحلّ رقمك ..
ازدحام هاتفي بك ..
* * *
كم أخلصت لغيابك ..
لكنّها ذاكرتي خانتني ..
تصوّر ..
ما عدت أذكر عمر صمتك ..
و لا متى لآخر مرّة قابلتك..
و كم من الوقت مرّ من دونك ..
فكيف قل لي أنتظرك ..
و أنا ما عدت أعرف وقع خطوك ..
* * *
مذ افترقنا ..
ما عاد الأمر يعنيني ..
سيّان عندي إن غدرت أو وفيت ..
يكفيني يا سيّد الحرائق ..
أنّك خنت اللهفة ..
و أطفأت جمر الحرائق..
ما خنتك.. لكن خانك حبري ..
مذ قرّرت ألا أكتبك ..
لن تدري ..
كم اغتلت قصائد في غيبتك ..
حتى لا تزهو بحزني ..
حين تشي بي الكلمات ..
ما ختنك..
فقط نسيت أن أعيش بتوقيتك
ما عدت أذكر ..
كم من المطارات حطّ قلبي بها ..
دون علمك ..
* * *
و الله ما خنتك ..
و لا ظننت قلبي ..
سيقوى على الحياة بعدك ..
لكنّه الخذلان ..
علّمني أن أستغني عنك ..
أصبحت فقط ..
أنسى أن أسهرك ..
أأبى أن أذرفك ..
أكثر إنشغالاً من أن أذكرك ..
و أكبر الخيانات.. النسيان..”
―
Nour’s 2025 Year in Books
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