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Bill Cosby
“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”
Bill Cosby

W.C. Fields
“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.”
W. C. Fields

Albert Einstein
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
Albert Einstein

Bill Cosby
“And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.”
Bill Cosby

Steven Wright
“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
Steven Wright

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