“Humble questions are open-ended. They’re encouraging the other person to take control and take the conversation where they want it to go. These are questions that begin with phrases like “How did you…,” “What’s it like…,” “Tell me about…,” and “In what ways…” In her book You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy describes a focus group moderator who was trying to understand why people go to the grocery store late at night. Instead of directly asking, “Why do you go to grocery stores late,” which can sound accusatory, she asked, “Tell me about the last time you went to the store after 11:00 p.m.”
― How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
― How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
“Recently I was at a dinner with a political scientist who put down his fork and said to the four of us: “I’m eighty. What should I do with the rest of my life?” That was a really humble but big question to ask. Essentially, he was asking, “What is the best way to grow old?” We started talking about his values, the questions he wanted to ask in his future research, how anyone should spend the final years of their life. It was fantastic.”
― How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
― How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
Nan’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Nan’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
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