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Lynsay Sands
“Okay," Christian said with a great show at maintaining his patience. "So you can't dance. But you could at least talk to the woman."
Julius frowned and avoided his gaze. "I am talking."
"You aren't," Christian insisted. "You haven't said more than a handful of words."
Scowling, he admitted, "I'm practicing in my head."
Christian blinked at this. "Practicing?"
"Well, you don't just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind," Julius said with exasperation. "I have to approach this carefully, so I'm practicing."
"In your head?" Christian clarified.
"Yes." Julius nodded. "In my head."
"Right....Good, good," he nodded, and then said "but you know what would be even better?"
Julius raised his eyebrows with interest. "What?"
"Talking to her OUT LOUD!" Christian snapped. "Jesus Christ, Father, you're as old as the earth. You run a huge corporation, dealing with people-even women-day in day out. Surely you can string a couple of words together and manage a little conversation with the woman?”
Lynsay Sands, Vampire, Interrupted

Lynsay Sands
“Did you see that? Buffy just staked that poor vampire. He had yet to even do anything untowared, he just crawled out of his grave and she staked him. That is just not right. She is taking out her problems with that Angel fellow on a vampire, that is what she is doing.”
Lynsay Sands, Single White Vampire
tags: humor

Lynsay Sands
“Okay, why don't we practice your talking with Marguerite? OUT LOUD. I'll be her."

Julius stared at him blankly. "Now?"

"No, I was thinking maybe next April. Then you could maybe give her a call, arrange a date..."
He arched his eyebrow in question, and snapped, "Yes, NOW.”
Lynsay Sands, Vampire, Interrupted

Lynsay Sands
“Maybe I should do this for y-" (Samantha)
"No, I'm cooking. If you want to be helpful, you can bring me my wine. I poured us both a glass." (Mortimer)
"But-"
"No," he insisted, pushing her toward the door. "In you go. I'm the man. I get to barbecue while you stand around and look cute.”
Lynsay Sands, The Rogue Hunter

Lynsay Sands
“I made you something to eat if you’re hungry.”
Leigh peered at the steaming pile on the plate on the tray, then asked uncertainly. “What is it?”
“Prime cuts in gravy.”
“Prime cuts in gravy?” she echoed slowly. “Did you cook it?”
"I opened the can and heated it up in the microwave for one minute. Someone named Alpo cooked it.”
Leigh stiffened, her head shooting up, eyes wide with disbelief. “Alpo?”
He shrugged. “That’s what the can said.”
Leigh shook her head with bewilderment. “You can use a microwave, but not a phone, and don’t know that Alpo isn’t the chef, but the brand name for dog food?” There was something seriously wrong here.”
Lynsay Sands, Bite Me If You Can
tags: humor

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