Charles Carnes

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain