Chad Davis

“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”
― W.C. Fields

“Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means...
Justin, looking desperately at me: No?
Nana: Are you sure?
Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no.
Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is...
Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin.
Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin?
Pops: His name is Jason.
Justin:Uh....uh....
Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving?
Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear!
Nana: Methinks he protests too much.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.

- The Watchful Poker Chip of H. Matisse”
― Ray Bradbury, The October Country

“I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks