Kath Carter

“The virus seemed to be thriving on his misery, relentlessly tearing through his insides.
Every day it made its rounds through his body. It started at his fingers, making them itch to touch her until he could almost feel her fleshy lips beneath his thumb, the silky strands of her hair sliding through his fingers. It would then move up to his arms, creating an urge to hold her, an urge that could not be fulfilled.
Next it went for his eyes, causing him to see her everywhere, in every little thing. He would see her in the kitchen, making coffee. He would see her cuddled up on the sofa, watching T.V. He had to blink several times before he realised that she wasn’t really there. It would then move to his heart, ruthlessly choking it until it was so heavy and so sore, he could feel the pain of losing her in every beat.
And then, finally, just as night fell, it would attack his brain, invoking images of her.
Thoughts and memories and dreams. He could not take much more. It was slowly driving him insane. He could not break out of these shackles.”
― Jacqueline Francis

“He arrested her hand and slammed it against the glass. “Don’t touch me,” he whispered hoarsely. “I won’t forget.”
― Jacqueline Francis - The Journal

“March 22, 2014

I have found the truth in the lies I told myself. I thought I could run from this woman, but she continues to chase me. In my mind, my heart, she’s always there. An entire bottle of whiskey can’t drown out her voice. I wake up each morning hoping it will finally be the day that I get over her. But then night falls and memories of her begin to torture me until sleep is no longer an option. Each night I fall into this abyss of nothingness, feeling only the emptiness of not having her beside me.

I have found the truth in the lies I told myself. I slept with another woman, all the while wishing it was her and I still went through with it.
What a fool I was. I still long to feel the satisfaction I was supposed to have felt that night. I still long to feel the freedom I’d hoped to gain from seeking refuge in the arms of another woman. But I’ll never be free of her. It will take an eternity to break out of these shackles.

For one month, ONE month I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants and yet for two years I haven’t even so much as looked at another woman. I’ve remained completely faithful to a memory. Devoted to her smile.

Committed to her ever-changing green eyes. I have read through the past entries in this journal and I noticed that I have never used her name. As if inking it would somehow solidify the feelings I think I’ve always felt.

I have found the truth in the lies I told myself. I do love her.
Love is this painful.”
― Jacqueline Francis

“I’ve noticed. What’s up with you these days?”
Adrian returned the sandwich to the box as he debated over what to tell her. One thing he had never done, was lie to Ricky and he was not going to start now. “I…uh…I have an infection,” he finally conceded – it was a half-truth, right? “It seems to be eating at my brain.”
― Jacqueline Francis