Rylee Escalada

“generally speaking, there are two simplified categories that parenting falls into: intrusive or neglectful caretaking. Parents were either overinvolved—telling us what to do, think, and feel—or they were underinvolved—physically or emotionally absent. These challenges are across the spectrum from subtle to severe. As a response, we become anxious and self-absorbed, losing our capacity for empathy. We become the walking wounded in a battlefield of injured soldiers. For the child who experienced intrusive parents, in later years, she becomes an isolator, a person who unconsciously pushes others away. She keeps people at a distance because she needs to have “a lot of space” around her; she wants the freedom to come and go as she pleases; she thinks independently, speaks freely, processes her emotions internally, and proudly dons her self-reliant attitude. All the while underneath this cool exterior is a two-year-old girl who was not allowed to satisfy her natural need for independence. When she marries, her need to be a distinct “self” will be on the top of her hidden agenda.”
― Harville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

“We have learned over the years of helping couples that just spending quality time talking about each other’s pasts can be very helpful. We’ve seen how effective this can be in our couples’ workshops. Years ago, we devoted half the workshop time to helping couples learn more about each other’s pasts. Now, we spend a fraction of that time and get the same results. There is a concept informally called woundology, where couples spend too much time dwelling on the past, which should be avoided. Nonetheless, spending some time sharing your childhood experiences is vital because it gives you a better understanding of your partner’s inner reality and helps you shift from judgment to curiosity and empathy.”
― Harville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

“All relationships are this way. Whether it’s the relationship to a place, a person, a job, or some personal endeavor - our old wounds will arise for revisiting once we stay put. It’s what we do next that matters.”
― Vanessa Osage, Can't Stop the Sunrise: Adventures in Healing, Confronting Corruption & the Journey to Institutional Reform

“And so the aching grew like a festered wound.
Like something that spread its way through reason and rational.
She knew a great shifting was leading her on.
One by one,
Her worries dropped to the floor.
Piece by piece,
Her heart grew strong.
And the ligaments of her soul stretched far beyond.
Encompassing the universe and delighting in the wilderness beyond.”
― Cassie Jeans