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Derek Landy
“He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

Derek Landy
“I also think Valkyire’s ex-boyfriend will come in handy here.”
Ravel frowned, “The dead vampire?”
Valkyrie glared at him, “I think he means Fletcher.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Caelen was never my boyfriend.”
“I didn’t mean to-“
“We never talk about Caelen,” Ghastly muttered.”
“I’m really sorry, Valkyrie, Ravel said. “Fletcher’s great. He’s wonderful. I’m sure he’d be delighted to help, and having a teleporter here will certainly solve some problems. We’ll arrange that, we’ll get him over to you, start the ball rolling, as it were. Once again, sorry about bringing up the vampire.”
Ghastly shot him a look whispered, “Why do you keep talking about him?”
“I can’t help it,” Ravel whispered back. “Now he’s all I can think about.”
“You realise,” Valkyrie said, “that we can hear you both perfectly well.”
― Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked

Derek Landy
“Please just admit it," said Valkyrie. "You're going to miss me, aren't you?"
"Obviously," said Skulduggery.
"Thank you."
"Like a drowning man misses the land."
"A w w w..."
"Like a hesitant man misses the chance."
"Yeah..."
"Like an oblivious man misses the point."
"I have a feeling you're mocking me somehow, but I can't put my finger on how.”
― Derek Landy, The Dying of the Light

Derek Landy
“She wants to be polite and not hurt your feelings, so she's not going to laugh right now. But inside, inside she's laughing.”
― Derek Landy, Last Stand of Dead Men

Derek Landy
“Honesty is, honestly, the best policy,” said Saracen. “But when honesty doesn’t work, lie, and lie convincingly.”
― Derek Landy, The Dying of the Light

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