shea

“Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. I’m in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can’t get up right away.”
― Chelsea Handler

“It's sad to fall asleep. It separates people. Even when you're sleeping together, you're all alone.”
― J.L. Merrow, Pricks and Pragmatism

“I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“Sometimes we assume that the new person in our life is better for us because they are totally different from the last person we dated. Only later do we see that we have chosen a different version of the same thing and they both leave us unsatisfied.”
― Kristen Crockett, The Gift of Past Relationships