Debra Waites

“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”
― Steven Wright

“Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?”
― Steven Wright

“I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
― Jane Wagner, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe

“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.”
― Steven Wright