Eric Cullen

“When I was right beside Ben Matlock, I threw the Archie comic away and grabbed the biggest, thickest book I could find and turned to a random page. Then I loudly said, “What the fuck? I certainly didn’t see that shit coming.” Ben Matlock turned his back to me.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story

“As long as the red dice are in the air, the gambler has hope. And hope is a wonderful thing to be addicted to.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story

“Before I was famous I had a whole bunch of jobs where all I needed was boots. People would look right past me, or if they did look at me, it was with a mean look. But when I got famous, people would look at me and smile and wonder where they knew me from. If they flat-out recognized me, they'd laugh and dance like they'd won a prize, and I'd just stand there and smile and feel warmth from their love. So the fame made the world, which is a real cold place, a little less cold.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story: A Memoir

“The plain truth is that Adam Eget is an alcoholic and that’s why he doesn’t drink. Me, I’m not an alcoholic and that’s why I do drink. Life sure is funny that way.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story