Jonathan Palfrey

“The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.’
‘Odd,’ said Arthur, ‘I thought you said it was a democracy.’
‘I did,’ said Ford. ‘It is.’
‘So,’ said Arthur, hoping he wasn’t sounding ridiculously obtuse, ‘why don’t people get rid of the lizards?’
‘It honestly doesn’t occur to them,’ said Ford. ‘They’ve all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they’ve voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.’
‘You mean they actually vote for the lizards?’
‘Oh yes,’ said Ford with a shrug, ‘of course.’
‘But,’ said Arthur, going for the big one again, ‘why?’
‘Because if they didn’t vote for a lizard,’ said Ford, ‘the wrong lizard might get in.”
― Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

“I do not believe I ever would have the courage to fight a duel. If any man should wrong me to the extent of my being willing to kill him, I would not be willing to give him the choice of weapons with which it should be done, and of the time, place and distance separating us, when I executed him.”
― Ulysses S. Grant, Personal Memoirs of U.S. Grant: All Volumes

“You see, I believe in freedom, Mr Lipwig. Not many people do, although they will of course protest otherwise.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“Quaffing is like drinking, but you spill more.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters