Jeff Lipsky

“155. Remember 1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemies but remember their names. 3. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them. 4. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!”
― Manik Joshi, Best Jokes: I Have Ever Heard - 800 Jokes

“I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“What’s worse than an elephant with no shirt on? A hippo-bottomless.”
― Bathroom Readers' Institute, The Funniest Joke Book Ever!: Over 500 Jokes to Crack Up Your Friends!

“Susie is having trouble with her computer so she calls Harry, the computer guy, over to her desk. Harry clicks a couple buttons and solves the problem. “So, what was wrong?” asks Susie. Harry replies, “It was an ID ten T error.” “ So what’s that?” asks Suzie. “Write it down,” says Harry. “You’ll figure it out.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners