Jeff Lipsky

“Gutter Ball You don’t think we’re horrible parents? You take a kid bowling now, they have these rails that come up out of the gutters. So when the stupid kid rolls the ball, it has to hit a pin. Has to. We eliminated the gutter ball. Nice preparation for life. I think the gutter ball is really the only life lesson a kid really needs to have. You either do the thing you’re doing right, or there’s a huge ka-klunk sound”
― Jerry Seinfeld, Is This Anything?

“It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were getting chilly. They lit a fire in the craft and it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“Harry sent ten different puns to a friend in the hope that at least one of the puns would make him laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners