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George Carlin
“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin

Richelle Mead
“I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.”
Richelle Mead, Blood Promise

George Carlin
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
George Carlin

David Sedaris
“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
David Sedaris

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