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The Doorman
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by Chris Pavone (Goodreads Author)
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Death Takes Me
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Reading for the 3rd time
read in January 2026
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Jonathan Safran Foer
“He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad.
Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

Jonathan Safran Foer
“I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.”
Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Jonathan Safran Foer
“I missed you even when I was with you. That’s been my problem. I miss what I already have, and I surround myself with things that are missing.”
Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Albert Camus
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
Albert Camus

Jonathan Safran Foer
“I felt suddenly shy. I was not used to shy. I was used to shame. Shyness is when you turn your head away from something you want. Shame is when you turn your head away from something you do not want.”
Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

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