Wesley

“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Besides, I'd seen a really nice pair of shoes yesterday in the mall and I wanted them for my own. I can't describe the feeling of immediate familiarity that rushed between us. The moment I clapped eyes on them I felt like I already owned them. I could only suppose that we were together in a former life. That they were my shoes when I was a serving maid in medieval Britain or when I was a princess in ancient Egypt. Or perhaps they were the princess and I was the shoes. Who's to know? Either way I knew that we were meant to be together.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“Don't let a thief into your house three times. The first time was enough. The second time was a chance. The third time means you're stupid.”
― C. JoyBell C.