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Jon Richardson
“My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You

Jon Richardson
“Such is my desire only to see the best parts of my partner and vice-versa that I must confess to being able to remember each time I have seen someone I was in love with fall over. I cannot help but be disappointed by such a shocking inability to perform such a simple task as staying upright.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You

Jon Richardson
“If you love something,
Let it go,
If it comes back it's yours,
That's how you know kno-o-ow

Nonsense, Christina Aguilera! I say, 'If you love it, file it away under "Things I love". If it's required at a later date, you'll know exactly where it i-i-i-is.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You

Jon Richardson
“There is simply too much to be done for us all to go round 'enjoying ourselves.' When the world is perfect, then we can all sit down and eat jelly beans, but for now the fact that things are going well for you just means that you are in a position to alleviate someone else's suffering for a while.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You

Jon Richardson
“My favourite pub game is, of course, snooker. Any game whose rules basically amount to finding a table covered in mess and slowly and methodically putting it all away out of sight is one with which I can empathise emphatically.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You

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Nes
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