Jessica

“I wanted to kill the me underneath. That fact haunted my days and nights. When you realize you hate yourself so much, when you realize that you cannot stand who you are, and this deep spite has been the motivation behind your behavior for many years, your brain can’t quite deal with it. It will try very hard to avoid that realization; it will try, in a last-ditch effort to keep your remaining parts alive, to remake the rest of you. This is, I believe, different from the suicidal wish of those who are in so much pain that death feels like relief, different from the suicide I would later attempt, trying to escape that pain. This is a wish to murder yourself; the connotation of kill is too mild. This is a belief that you deserve slow torture, violent death.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

“[T]hou canst not think worse of me than I do of myself.”
― Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy

“His mother had stayed with his father, no matter the cost, and part of that had been her son learning to hate his own name.”
― Emily Henry, Beach Read

“I hated the things that grew out of my body, my breasts, my hair—even as I imagined they could someday make me sexy. That's what I wanted to be: sexy, not comfortable; pretty, not able; wanted, not admired.”
― Ruby Walker, Advice I Ignored: Stories and Wisdom from a Formerly Depressed Teenager