Julia Billard > Recent Status Updates

Dude this is not good. Would dnf if it wasn’t such a quick read. Repetitive and all over the place.

“It was like he didn’t believe I could navigate the world, and the less he believed it, the more difficult I found it to do”

“But then he’d come back, and I was animated by his eyes. I blossomed and was real, and what I did mattered. If he liked something about me, then I liked it too.”

“I don’t make any demands on him, emotional or otherwise. I was casual, noncommittal, the sort of girl he wanted me to be. But not really-no-not really. Inside, I was trying to attach myself onto him with enough hooks, like a burr, so he couldn’t just pick me off”

Why him!??!??

“I loved being a student actor. I was fully devoted to it, and now I’m not. I think if I’d become a professional, I would likely have fallen out of love with it anyway. It isn’t a sadness, but a joy, that we don’t do the same things for the length of our lives.”

I love Marx’s perspectives on life and attachment.

“Sam’s doctor said to him ‘the good news is that the pain is in your head’

But I am in my head, sam thought”

“Recently, she suspected he was losing interest in her. So, she had attempted to make herself more interesting.” Ugh :(

“I’m here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting, those words. When I’m panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I’m here. I don’t usually feel that I am. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my ash and I’d be disappeared forever.”

Want to like so bad but nothing is happening and I’m so very bored!

“I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear.”