Emilie > Recent Status Updates

I am losing my mind I know. These past 7 days I have received 17 « no » following cover letters, a sexist message from a man (my partner can beat me if he apologizes) and a crazy message from a woman. She bawled me out because I hadn’t posted yet an actor’s selfie. I had just posted a bruise!!! I had something else in my mind! I am fed up with people’s absurdity. Sorry. It is harder everyday.

Not everybody counts. I am losing my mind, I know. It is hard. It is hard to know it is gonna be like this forever. I want to feel safe.

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https://pin.it/3ixMPHJ I know none of you are gonna chat with me. I am not expecting anything anymore. I talk to myself. I got so much worse but It hurts anyway. I don’t wanna smile. I don’t wanna live anymore. I reach the saturation point. I just wanted to be comforted. I wanted to be hugged. It’s better to be silent and tell me I am a wh@re, innit? I’ll try tomorrow to take better pics.

https://pin.it/Ou49SJl I bought this book for fun. Just like that… nah. I’m kidding! Routine. His train was cancelled. It was my fault. He was angry. I get my ass kicked. People don’t care. I have a reward. Routine. I chose this book. The cover gives me the willies. Voilà. Routine. And it’s gonna be like this until I die… Let’s pray It happens soon. Je n’en peux plus. Nobody wanna chat with me …

https://pin.it/1AoUedy I am sorry. Please help me instead of insulting me. Don’t judge victims but abusers. Thank you.

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To the one who sent the mail: thank you for making me cry. I imagine you are happy. I won’t shut up.
My life is not normal and I don’t deserve it. I am terrified and I can’t go.
If you support him you are an asshole too.
I want the emotional support I deserve. I want kind words. No judgment. I have never wanted this.

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Yay! A message! https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531...

Yay! A message!! Thank you.

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Some days are worse than others. I am not OK. Tired of rejection, tired of your silence, the lack of empathy, tired of the pain (my finger and my boob hurt). Why are you silent? Please tell me: Do I deserve it? Do you support him? Guys, are you wife beaters too? Do you think this is normal and I have to shut up or I am lying? Is it funny? Pleas…

Still no messages… I suck. https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531...

I received around fifty slaps on my boob for this patch. It’s worth it. (Dark humour.) Not everybody counts. That’s a f- lie. Next time I will order Hulk, Agents of Shield or Joker patch.

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[Please help me. Or write me.]

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Bis repetita https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531...

One bruise = one gift https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531...

I deserve it https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531...

Day 3: La vie ne vaut rien

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I got worse. https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531... https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/79868531...
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The verdict is in. My dog Endor was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She is twelve.
I think someone upstairs is having fun with me.

Otherwise I have a bruise on my left (my left) boob. I had trouble breathing but I am feeling better.
We don’t care.

* the movies & toys THAT made us.
I’m sorry. I spoke a fluent English and German when I was 20. They have become slow and dull. I’m ashamed.

I need to converse with people…

My nose stopped bleeding and my head doesn’t hurt anymore. Another part hurts. The first day of his holidays started well. #irony

I have to go back. See you in one week (if I’m not dead) Please say hello. I need support.

(Yep. I will be with him 24/7. Kill me.) I hope I could read a little bit by then.

I want to be hugged. I want to hug someone. I want to be kissed. I want to kiss. I can’t take it anymore.

Allez… keep smiling… somebody will give me a hand soon, won’t they?
2/2

Sorry. I haven’t read these past days. I have been really groggy since Sunday. My nose can’t stop bleeding and I have a terrible migraine. I can’t read. So I stay lying down watching documentaries: Assembled, Behind the Attraction, The Toys & The Movies who made us, Clarkson’s farm… I hope I will get better soon. My abuser - sorry my partner is on holidays from Saturday. 1/2

I want to be hugged. I want to hug someone. I want to be kissed. I want to kiss. I can’t take it anymore.

Allez… keep smiling… somebody will give me a hand soon, won’t they? 3/3

So I stay lying down watching documentaries: Assembled, Behind the Attraction, The toys who made us, The movies who made us, Clarkson’s farm… I hope I will get better soon. My abuser - sorry my partner is on holidays from Saturday. (Yep. I will be with him 24/7. Kill me.) I hope I could read a little bit by then. 2/..

Sorry. I haven’t read these past days. I have been really groggy since Sunday (not COVID-19 - I am fully vaccinated. I am stuck at home anyway. I am not allowed to have friends, remember?) My nose can’t stop bleeding and I have a terrible migraine. I can’t read. 1/..

There are trolls on Goodreads, too?!?!? Pfft

I have updated my profile (without spelling errors I hope 🤞😬 ) and added some pictures. It’s only half of my books. The other half is on my ASUS tablet. I prefer « real » books. I love the smell of a book. But these past months I have been reading ebooks. If I run away it will be easier to pack. 😉

I have updated my profile and added a picture.