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Overall, adequately emotionally mature people have empathy for others, self-reflect, enjoy getting emotionally close to other people, and try to be objective about themselves and others.

Adequately emotionally mature parents are clear on their own values and reasoning, but they treat differing viewpoints respectfully. They consider others’ feelings but protect their own well-being too. They reflect on their own behavior and take responsibility for their mistakes.

Sufficiently emotionally mature parents have developed enough individuality and self-awareness of their own that they grasp the truth that their children and other people have minds and feelings of their own. They see people as whole, dynamic individuals.

It’s perfectly possible for you to be more emotionally mature than your parents.

در برابر احساس های اصیل و راستین کودک درونتان باز و گشوده باشید. با عقاید و پیش فرض های "کلیشه ای" و قراردادی، خودتان و او را به بند نکشید.

توانایی شادمان ساختن خویش مهارتی است که باید آن را به کار گیریم.

وقتی شخصی به پا میخیزد و اقرار میکند که سرش کلاه رفته و کودکیش از دستش ربوده شده، سرانجام این نیرو را در خود میابد که اندوه ژرف خویش را بیان و عیان کند.

بیایید با زخم های خود روبه رو شویم، تا بتوانیم آنها را شفا بدهیم.

let this be for you. Your goals needn’t please anybody else. Pay careful attention to your own needs; play your own game.

■ Return the faulty vacuum cleaner to the store
■ Say no to the finder of committee members at work
■ Express my love for my spouse in some way every day
■ Invite my new neighbor over for coffee
■ Start listening to recorded seminars (online or on CDs) about speaking out

Compliment those close to me more frequently
■ Speak out in front of groups more often
■ Say no and stick to it
■ Improve my eye contact in conversation
■ Not say “I’m sorry” or “I hate to bother you” so much

Behave more assertively with my spouse
■ Take more risks in my life
■ Reduce my anxiety about behaving assertively
Overcome my fear of conflict and anger

Remind yourself to break your major goals into small, manageable steps. Take your time; the end will be in sight soon. You’ll notice changes in yourself. You’ll reach your goals, one step at a time.

don’t look at the dire consequences; start with the first small step, and let that small success provide the courage to take another and another. The small-step goals will add up until the major goal is accomplished.

autonomy (choosing your goals, values, and plans), integrity (meaning, self-worth), interdependence (acceptance, closeness, warmth, community), play (fun, laughter), spiritual communion (beauty, harmony, peace), and physical nurturance (air, food, shelter)

Appropriate for the person and situation , not universal
Socially responsible Both inborn (elements of temperament) and learned (styles of behavior)
As persistent as is necessary to achieve one’s goals without violating the ten points above

Both verbal (including the content of the message) and nonverbal (including the style of the message)

Positive (expressing affection, praise, appreciation) at times and negative (expressing limits, anger, criticism) at times

Self-expressive
Respectful of the rights of others
Honest
Direct and firm
Equalizing , benefiting both parties in a relationship

Consider the possible consequences of your actions, how well you know the person(s) you’re dealing with, how well you know the territory in which you find yourself, how important it is to have your say, whether you’re likely to accomplish anything by speaking up.

we must exercise our right to express them with greater caution.