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“His name is Jude, and he's a visitor from 70,000 A.D.”
Of course my heart will ache having “a Little life” flashback by simply mentioning the name “Jude”😭

“And so I try to be kind to everything I see, and in everything I see, I see him.”

I never reread books, and to reread a book that is a little life was a bitter experience, but oh well, as if this book ever left my mind since I have read it, it is in my head all the time and not to mention worse, I have been writing and recreating the characters in my own writing project which I probably will never publish 🥀

Words, actions, regret, and memories that makes you do everything all over again, mistakes mistakes mistakes, all the mistakes you may hate so much yet so bounded for doing it over and over, what kind of consistency is this called, what kind of betrayal is this toward yourself , how do we even understand this thing called true feeling and the struggles one can’t escape from or move on from.

"there's not an expiration date on needing help, or needing people. You don't get to a certain age and it stops."

Sometimes I forget Jude is very old by the end of the book, and I just forget he is not a teen, a child or adult he becomes very old and yet he seems so stuck, so vulnerable, and tired, and I wonder, isn’t that almost all of us? Surely we are still affected by the past experience we have had one day and still it feels so fresh when it comes to our mind, for some reason letting go may persist to be a challenge

Going toward the end of this book feels like those rare movies or shows that Everytime you watch it again you don’t want it to end and always root for the characters when you well know what happens to them, and you will just be left numb trying to process the coldness and void the story has given you

The fact that loneliness and solitude can be a way for growth, self reflection and a way for healing for someone and at the same time a dreadful thing for another one :,)

The happy years 🥀

I never supported the relationship of Willem and Jude, and now in my second read I still think the same, it is just clear that what is thought here is for relationships to be a physical intimacy, they could have been just fine if went on with a platonic friendship and for Jude to just feel less alone and care for himself just well without all these things to be done :,)

Me: “Why would I want to read this book?”
Also me: reads this book anyway
Me: “Why would I even want to re-read this book?”
Also me: re-reads anyway

I’m so unpredictable in a way I can’t even predict my decisions myself

“I am afraid you will leave” you just know someone thinks they are not worthy of care and love when they say this, and always see themselves as a burden

“When he turned sixteen, they would get married.”
This line is always haunting,

“Most people are easy: their unhappinesses are our unhappinesses, their sorrows are understandable, their bouts of self-loathing are fast-moving and negotiable. But his were not. We didn’t know how to help him because we lacked the imagination needed to diagnose the problems. But this is making excuses.” People are skeptical thinking no one can go through unimaginably horrible things when they actually really do :,)

We got it wrong, the villain is actually “Tennis” ifykyk 💔

“You know, Willem,” he said once, “I hope the reason you’re not talking to JB isn’t because of what happened with me.”
“Of course it’s because of what happened with you,” Willem had said.
“But that’s not a reason,” he’d said.“Of course it is,” Willem had said. “There’s no better reason than that.”

“Do you want to spend your life just being completely average and boring and typical?”

“Yes, JB,” Jude had said, giving him that gaze he sometimes summoned, which was intimidating, even slightly scary, in its flat blankness. “That’s in fact exactly what I want.” Yes to boredom JB yes to boredom, you don’t need everything fantastic everyday, sometimes you just have to slow down with your life 😭

“Do you want to spend your life just being completely average and boring and typical?”

“Yes, JB,” Jude had said, giving him that gaze he sometimes summoned, which was intimidating, even slightly scary, in its flat blankness. “That’s in fact exactly what I want.” Yes to boredom JB yes to boredom, you don’t need everything fantastic everyday, sometimes you just have to slow down with your life 😭

“Are you happy? he once asked Jude.I don’t think happiness is for me, Jude had said at last,. But it’s for you, Willem. As Vanities tug and yank at him, it occurs to him that he should have asked Jude what he meant by that: why it was for him and not for Jude. But by the time he’s finished shooting the scene, he won’t remember the question, or the conversation that inspired it.”

“The door was unlocked,” JB says, as Malcolm sighs. “Harold!” he hugs him, “Congratulations! It’s a boy!”
Shedding tears of joy before chaos

“I’m sorry, Andy,” he said.“I know you are,” said Andy. “But you don’t need to be sorry — not to me, anyway.”
“To Harold,” he said.“No,” Andy corrected. “Not to Harold, either. Just to yourself.” there is no point shedding tears with such books

“Harold, Julia — are you kidding? There’s nothing — nothing — I’ve ever wanted more. My whole life. I just never thought—” He stopped; he was speaking in fragments. For a minute they were all quiet, and he was finally able to look at both of them. “I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want to be friends anymore.” what a soul what a soul😭

“My life, he will think, my life. But he won’t be able to think beyond this, and he will keep repeating the words to himself — part chant, part reassurance — as he slips into that other world that he visits when he is in such pain, that world he knows is never far from his own but that he can never remember after: My life”

“Jude, listen,” he said. “I have something to show you. Come with me,” and he started walking toward the greenhouse, turning around to make sure he was following. “Jude,” he called again, “come with me,” and he, curious despite himself, began to follow him, walking toward the greenhouse he knew so well with the beginnings of an unfamiliar eagerness, as if he had never seen it before.” JUDE DONT GO😭😭

“when it seemed that everything might be improved upon, and that his future self might be something bright and clean, when he knew so little but had such hope, and faith that his hope might one day be rewarded.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble on.”
“Are you joking?” said Laurence. “Jude, I think that was the first truly revelatory conversation I’ve had in Harold’s house in probably the last decade or more: thank you.” this is the most heartwarming scene, some people just like to ramble about their interests and it is so nice to see someone that never judges you and is interested more in what you are saying

“You’re destined for greatness, kid,” are we sure we are just reading words from papers and move on😭