Jordan > Recent Status Updates

The mistakes are egregious in this one. Daugther? Really? 😭

“The fact that such a despicable human being could be so handsome was proof that the universe was vastly unfair, or at least very badly organized.”

“She had thrown out words in bright clusters, as if she were scattering confetti.”
🥹

“You sent me into a crowd of hundreds of people to take two little girls on a carnival ride, even though I’ve never been to a carnival.” THIS 13 YEAR OLD IS SMARTER THAN ALL THE ADULTS COMBINED

Update - not a Christian romance, still a shitty dad though

Oh god I think this is a Christian romance

Yo FUCK this “dad” (he gets this label in the loosest of terms) for making his thirteen year old son “babysit” (i.e: be a surrogate father) to his eleven and five year old sisters. FUCK this dad for making his thirteen year old son cook dinner for them, and pick them up from school, and comfort them when they cry about their dead mom. You don’t need a friend with benefits, you need your kids taken away.

Naming three of your main men ‘Garrett’ ‘Emmett’ and ‘Beckett’ is such a recipe for disaster

“What? It’s not like I’m dressed up as a sexy rabbit or nurse at the Playboy mansion or something.”

“His gaze stayed forward. “Isn’t that what most girls aim for?”

“Some… if you have no imagination. Pssh. Last year, I dressed up as Goku.”

Damn, it’s almost as if…women should be able wear whatever they want on Halloween?

Jane Austen could NEVER. This is peak humanity. My life has been changed.

This book has been making me laugh because the love interest says things like “she has interests!” as if he’s never met a woman who had any kind of hobby whatsoever.

Ryan on the other hand…

This book so far is like when you pull the mask off a Scooby Doo villain only to find it was contemporary romance all along

““If these boys were to represent us in the Motherlands, I would make damn sure we sent young men who would ignite sexual desire and activate a fireworks display of hormones in the Momsi girls.”

Sir these girls are TEN YEARS OLD.

Let me just sum up this story so far:

“Hey bro, she’s terrified because my dad abused her when she was a kid.”
“Damn my man, what’re you gonna do?”
“Tie her up, dude.”
“Ah, good idea my guy.”

This is def going in my ‘men who suck’ bookshelf lmao

“Maybe Martha Stewart needed a quick extra dozen million or two.”
I truly cannot tell if this is a (not very funny) joke or if someone actually thinks Martha Stewart has something to do with Martha’s vineyard.

“It’s biological. Evolutionary. Even the strongest woman needs a man.”
YOU’RE LOSING ME, GEISSINGER.

The author has never heard of FANBOYS and it shows lol

“I don't take ultimatums," he said, giving her a little shake. "Least of all from a woman.”
Well fuck you too I guess?