abbey walker > Recent Status Updates

“Friendship has a way of re-revealing the things you know, in such a way that you can’t help but accept them. Books can be such a friend, too— shedding light on a feeling the reader has already felt in order for her to see it more clearly, or differently.”

“And there it was, that honeyed disdain that can develop between two people who know each other intimately yet still fall short of telling the most intimate truths.”

“‘Your fault was believing that love could last.’”

“Still, I did ask him whether he thought me intelligent. Yes, undoubtedly; but intelligence is not a quality with an independent existence: when I go on and on pursuing my obsessions, my intelligence is no longer available to me.”

“I have taken to my pen again, not to go back over the same ground but because the emptiness within me, around me, it’s so vast that this movement of my hand is necessary to tell myself that I am still alive.”

“It is as though he were appalled at having hurt me and yet afraid of giving me too much hope. Should I settle down definitively into despair? But then he would quite forget what I was once and why he had loved me.”

“I expect a lot of the people I love —too much, perhaps. I expect a lot, and I even ask for it. But I do not know how to insist.”

“All women think they are different; they all think there are some things that will never happen to them; and they are all wrong.”

“It’s true I’m headstrong. I take the bit between my teeth. I don’t calculate. Maybe I should’ve learned to compromise if it hadn’t been for all those disappointments.”

“When you love someone, you must give the people he loves credit for being of some value.”

“My mother said the doctor held me by my ankles and announced, “ANOTHER FINE SOLDIER FOR JESUS!” And I say FUCK YOU to those first words said to me!”

Caconrad

“‘Going bad is something that happens over a longer period of time.’
How long a period of time is that?”

“It was not one of those strong, impulsive feelings that can hit two people like an electric shock when they first meet, but something quieter and gentler, like two tiny lights traveling in tandem through a vast darkness and drawing imperceptibly closer to each other as they go. As our meetings grew more frequent, I felt not so much that I had met someone new as that I had a chance upon a dear old friend.”

“Is it possible, finally, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close are we able to come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”

“Giving up must be a choice. Giving up is the most sacred choice of a life. Giving up is the true human instant. And this alone, is the very glory of my condition.
Giving up is a revelation.”

“Nostalgia is not for the God we are missing, it is the nostalgia for ourselves who are not enough; we miss our impossible grandeur – my unreachable present is my paradise lost.”

“since I need to know exactly this: am I feeling what I am feeling, or am I feeling what I would like to feel? or am I feeling what I might need to feel?”

“This time, my beloved occupier couldn’t occupy the blue sky, besiege the sparkling stars, or cut the moon in half. This was the only assurance for me that there is still an inalienable part of my freedom that no one can take.”

Baha’ Ebdeir

“No, I don’t want to give you the fright of my love. If you’re afraid of me, I’ll be afraid of me. Don’t be scared of the pain.”

“But you’re afraid, I know you were always afraid of the ritual. But when one has been tortured to the point of becoming a nucleus, then one starts demonically wanting to serve the ritual, even if the ritual means consuming oneself – just as in order to have the incense the only way to get it is to burn the incense.”

“My error, however, must be the path of a truth: since only when I err do I step out of what I know and what I understand. If “truth” were whatever I could understand – it would end up being just a small truth, one my size.”

“For the present has no hope, and the present has no future: the future will be exactly once again present.”

“But what in abyss between the word and what it was trying to do, what an abyss between the word love and the love that doesn’t even have a human meaning— because— because love is living matter. Is love living matter?”

“But if I screamed even once, I might never again be able to stop. If I screamed nobody could ever help me again; whereas, if I never revealed my neediness, I wouldn’t scare anybody, and they would help me unawares; but only if I didn’t scare anybody by venturing outside the rules.”

“Well speaking to you, scare you and make me lose you? but if I don’t speak I’ll be lost, and in losing myself lose you.”

“How could I explain that my greatest fear is precisely of: being? and yet there is no other way. How can I explain that my greatest fear is living whatever comes? how to explain that I can’t stand seeing, just because life isn’t what I thought but something else — as if I knew what! Why is seeing such disorganization?”